Bottle or breast

Having my second child in October at 37 weeks it’s going to be a repeat c section for cholestasis. I’m not 100% on board with breastfeeding this time around.

With my first, breastfeeding was a challenging, mentally and physically draining but rewarding journey. I struggled to produce milk at all, had to wear nipple shield the ENTIRE time, and had to go dairy and soy free for 4 months. It was hell to be honest. I wanted to badly to be the sole source of her nutrition that I put my mental health at risk by not returning to my antidepressant and antianxiety medications, I also didn’t return to my migraine medication either, for a whole year. That was extremely hard and debilitating to myself. pumping at work was such a challenge, being judged and eyeballed every time I went to pump, being talked badly about for taking 20 mins to pump because it was “too long”. She ended up needing to be supplemented with formula because i never supplied enough. My daughter is now almost 2 and STILL touches my chest consistently all day and needs to touch me to fall asleep, occasionally she tries to latch even though it’s been a year since she breastfed and she gets corrected every time she tries. It’s frustrating to say the least.

Long story short, I wanted to bottle feed with formula from day 1 with this baby, to save myself from a lot of personal difficulties that I faced with the first baby. However, I feel like a bad mom. ☹️ I feel like I’m jipping this baby out of a natural positive experience. ☹️☹️☹️