Im lost

So much has happened the beginning of the year losing my virginity to someone i didnt know, getting drunk for my first time, smoking weed,fucking one of my best guy friends who i ended up losing, brother staying so angry at me he hasnt talked to me for months, getting heartbroken, a car accident, dropping school, losing a job... its been a hell of a year, and im just so confused at who i am anymore I always said i was this independent responsible 20year old woman but ive done messed up a lot this year, and i need advice because as im about to hit my 21 birthday im scared of whats to come and how much ill change its seeming as of now its for the worse