My Beautiful Angel, Nova👼🏻💙

My little boy, Nova, would’ve been 9 months old this May. We lost him when he was a month and a few days old. A was a very healthy and normal baby considering he was born a month early born at 5lbs 13 oz. He made me discover who I was meant to be; his mom. I finally knew my purpose in life. I was so excited to spend my forever with him. I was so proud to be his mom and he my son. He filled every day with laughter, love and amazement. I’d stare at him for hours feeling so proud. He was a miracle. Health conditions cause my hormones to be off balances and he was brought into this world unaffected by my disorders. I’d already started looking at good daycares and schools for him after he entered his toddler years. He was incredibly bright and always looked around as if he were figuring out the world around him. He could break out of his swaddles so easily but loved to be held. He loved food. His formula was his best friend (besides mommy and daddy). The love I felt and feel will forever remain in my heart. It’s a love that is the greatest. I’ve never felt this love before. The moment he was put in my arms after delivery, my heart swelled and almost exploded; he was so perfect. He was our first and only baby.

The day he left felt like a dream. Till this day I’m still in a dream. I’m living half alive.

8 months have passed and every day I wake wanting it all to end. My arms are empty and heart is broken. he has a room full of stuff that we picked out just for him since we bought for the entire first year of his life. I have all this love for him and he’s not here to receive it. I can’t kiss him goodnight anymore. I will never hear his first words or see his first steps. I’ll never get to hear “mama” and “dada”. I’ll never get to take him to the park or one day teach him how to drive.

I’m left alone. A giant chunk of my heart left with him when he was called home.

I love you my little ‘fat boi’. 💙 Mommy will always be here 💙