crazy life

I have had a tough life, being molested by my uncle, my brother felt me up a few times my ex friend beat my ass several times, my ex cheated,i git pcs, the guy that raped me is bestfriends with my sister's boyfriend. my life is hard but for some reason I keep pushing forward it's crazy to me. I don't trust nobody anymore I hate everyone around me. flashbacks everyday depression everyday. therapy every week. I wish I had enough strength to kill myself because I know I will do so. I ovulated this month, 2 days late been trying to conceive for 13 years off and on. I'm tired of everything. I. just hoping fo atleast a miscarriage. atleast I would know I can concieve. most people won't understand what I mean by that but tbh I don't care. my life is really pointless I'm just here to serve everybody else.