lmao all my problems recently have been related to friends. It's started in year six when my best friend moved 4hours away from me. So I made friends with a girl called Molly. We always fell out but would have the best if times when we were on good terms. She soon moved away too. Year 7 rolled around and I became friends with a Rosie. She soon became very popular and ditched me. We don't talk anymore. Then it was Amy. Best of times until one day she snapped at me and we had a bug falling out ~ which basically ended up with both of us in the office crying over something I didn't understand. Year eight finally came around. Having spent the summer holidays alone with no friends I was determined to find a bestow. Then I met Gabby. She was a dream come true. She gave me makeup and took me shopping. Until one lunch a girl called Kate was crying. So I went over to her asked her what's wrong. We soon clicked. Unfortunately I lost Gabby, she got mad that I was spending so much time with Kate that she bitched about me and made me feel like shit. Kate invited me to holiday resorts and took me places and showed me what friendship should've been. Then one day in year 9 a girl called katrina was alone and crying. I went over and asked what was wrong we soon clicked and the same thing happened, Kate bitched about me. Screenshoted Chats and posted them to Snapchat. She humiliated me and made me feel shit. But I got over them all. Everyone that had made an impact in my first years of secondary school wouldn't be forgotten. Me and katrina would spend everyday together. Besides all my girl friends, I also had jack. Who kept me sane when I fell out with all these girls. He was always there for me and always had my back. Now I think about it. I don't blame him for not wanting to be my friend anymore. Back to the story- katrina and I were always together. Until one day a girl called Sofia wanted me to be with her at break. Now there is some bad blood between katrina and Sofia. Of course I didn't want to annoy katrina so I told her where I was going at break. So she didn't have to find out for herself. You could tell she was annoyed. And I apologised. But still went with Sofia. For that one day. The next day at lunch I was sat in the library with katrina, she didn't talk to me at all. Then all of a sudden she said to me "just fuck off lily" I was astonished. But I did as I was told. Picked up my bag, and said "see you after school" I know she was annoyed at me I don't think I deserved that. She then would go off with Molly, Gabby and kate. Eventually, I became friends with Kate again, we started talking and then I started talking to Gabby and katrina. I felt like everything was perfect. Then, jack and katrina started talking. They really liked eachother. Katrina would spend lunch talking about him. It hurt me because jack didn't talk to me any more. He was too busy talking to katrina. But she was so in love with him that I didn't want to break it up. So I let them talk. Then I started talking to my crush more "Kieran" except now I seem him like more of a best friend. Anyways, I felt like he was the only one there for me. Nd I really don't want to fuck up our friendship because that always happens to me. I'm scared that I'm a problem but I don't know it. Katrina would constantly tell jack that she didn't want a relationship, so he moved on. Katrina, became an emotional wreck. She stopped eating and took many days off school. I was on holiday by this time, in South Africa. But I spent most of my time dealing with jack ranting to me about katrina and katrina ranting to me about jack. I dealt with them and gave them advice. But I regret it because it ruined my holiday. I got back expecting to see katrina at school, but I didn't. So I'd message her and she wouldn't reply. One day after school, I spent my English lessons writing a letter that I was intending to post to Katrina's house. Instead I decided to walk to her house and post it personally, I invited Molly along with me because I figured shed like to see katrina too. We stood outside her window and text her to look outside. She answered the door and read the letter. Everything was fine. She recovered and went back to school, she was completely over jack. I told her that me and Kieran were talking. And she told me to stop. She said "no lily!! He's a fuck boy you can't talk to him let alone fall for him". I hadn't fallen for him, he was just all I had. I have double science next to jack, I was so excited to talk to him, I hadn't seen him all half term. We didn't talk at all ins science. He blanked me. Didnt say a word. I'd start a Convo and he'd ignore me. This was literally two weeks ago. So I messaged him, several times asking if he was okay. He didn't reply. So yesterday I sent my final attempt. "Hey, are we on good terms? I want it to be how it used to be like 'lily and jack' you were my best friend and you were always there to have my back when no one else was. I'm devastated that I can't call you my friend. I don't mean to sound harsh but I feel like I really care about our friendship and you don't :(" that's word for word what I sent to him. His reply was "lily it's cos I don't anymore, sorry" he would always send a kiss before he started talking to katrina. And I don't know what I've done wrong or why he's done this. He blocked me on Snapchat and told me that he's done with my "bs". Which I'm guessing is all the friendship troubles he had to deal with, because he was always the messanger and he was always in the middle of it. But I never dragged him into anything, I never said a word to anyone about my friendship problems because I know that I hate to be out in that situation too. Which is why I don't understand what I've done. I have told him this several times but I'm scared of being clingy be sure that's what he said annoyed him about katrina. But I don't want him to blame him self. I'm not gonna read the entirety of our Convo, but that last thing he sent me was "leave me alone" which broke my heart. How could someone so amazing suddenly turn! The thing is I don't know if I'm begin blind and I'm a horrible person. All my friends mustve left for some reason. Maybe I'm just a big problem. All I know is I want jack back. Kieran is best friends with jack. So you could understand why perhaps jack would be mad. But he's allowed to get clowe with Katrina's and I'm fine with it. Then today, Kate messaged me saying that I'm two faces for meeting up with katrina because we talk shit about eachother apparently. She screenshoted the Chats and put them on her sorry. So I blocked her. Now all I feel I feel I really have is Kieran, but I'm so scared I'm gonna hurt him and lose him like I lose everyone else. I don't know whether I'm trying to make myself feel better and feel like none of its my fault.

All I wanna know is how to get jack back, I've known him longer than any of my other friends and he's definitely been there for me the most. Or should I just give him his space and try and get over it?

Sorry for any spelling errors this is a rant from a "self centered" girl. There's also a lot more too the story but I feel like it's long enough as it is.