Well, I think I messed up.

I had been dating this guy for almost 6 Years (in 17 days it would have been 7) and last week I got a message saying that he didn’t feel like we had any connection anymore and broke up with me. I was completely blindsided.

That was the first time I had ever cried in school, since at least 4 grade. (I am in grade 11 now.)

Ever since last Tuesday, I haven’t been able to sleep, eat or even go a day without a panic attack or bawling my eyes out.

To give you some information on the situation:

We both got extremely busy in the past month or two, and never really had any time for each other. The last time we hung out together was before Valentine’s Day and even on Valentine’s Day all we did was give each other cards and that’s it.

So I had decided that I should make time to hang out with him, so I went and bought a dress (which I don’t wear outside of special events nor feel very good about being in) and started planning a date for last Friday and our anniversary.

Unfortunately after having panic attacks both Sunday and Monday night I started to feel pretty bad about everything, and decided to ask him to the dates on Tuesday, and wouldn’t you know.

Just before I go to ask him I get his message and now I don’t know what to do. I had to leave class before I threw up and bawled my eyes out with my friend in the hall.

Fast forward to Thursday night, I had calmed down enough to send him a message. To kind of apologize.

(Yes in notes, I didn’t want to mess up when I actually went send it to him) (also it was 2AM so I admit my wording wouldn’t be that good)

And he responded with a small apology and that yes he would like to still be friends. Only problem, I haven’t spoken to him since, and I can’t look at him in the halls without almost breaking down there.

And to add a cherry to the top, I was told that he apparently had been thinking of this for a while (so much that it made him literally sick at the thought of it) and has been wanting to go out with another girl that has been hanging out with him in his friend group. One of the things I have a hard time about that is that I would feel like having any interest in another person was wrong, so I never really saw anyone else as anything more then friends. Then I was told that he had already has someone else on his mind and I don’t even feel comfortable even liking anyone else like I did him. I still love him and cry at the thought of picturing him with her, in plans we thought of together (getting married, starting a family, traveling, etc).

I guess this has just kind of been a big ramble of my problems but, I kind of want to see if anyone has any ideas how to smooth things over and maybe words of advice on how to handle situations like this. I hadn’t really planned for this and I’m not sure how to deal with it.

Sorry if it’s long, but a short story would probably leave out important information.

Update: I want him to be happy again, and I feel that he deserves someone who is able to pay attention to him. However I don’t want him to move on. I want him to come back, so we can restart and fix this problem. The thing is I can’t promise him I won’t get busy again and ‘abandon’ him.