Depression+Anxiety

how do you find the motivation to get up every morning when your life is a living hell? when everything is falling apart..and you have no one to talk too? no one there for you...when your mind is full of all theses crazy thoughts and your trying to fight it. its like your mind is taking over and you can't help it. even when you are telling yourself to stop, relax, everything is OK. you just can't help it. I wake up full of sweat, every night. I wake up to pee, and I lay back down and my mind is racing. when it hits me hard I can't control my mind. sometimes I will be quiet all day. barley talk at all. because I don't have the energy to speak. and it really annoys me when people tell you to just "relax" or "stop stressing so much" like hellooooo do you think I like feeling like a zombie everyday? feeling like the world is crashing down on me or feeling like I'm so worthless and no matter what I do I can't stop feeling like this! I wish I could just stop time and go back and fix some things in my life. but no matter how good things are going, there will never be a time where I'm actually calm, and happy and at ease. I shake and sweat and get so worked up I can feel my body heating up. yes, I know it sounds crazy but please tell me I'm not the only one here feeling like this...BTW I've had this since I was 15. its like, come on I should be happy just wake up every morning. but sometimes I wish I didn't. I know it sounds bad, but its my reality. I live this everyday. I just want a way out and to be "normal" whatever that feels like.