Bring on the hate/abortion story

Two years ago was a rough year for me, but it started out great. I truly thought I had found the love of my life, we did everything together, talked about everything and always wanted to be with each other. He started to act weird and so I tried to talk to him about it and he said nothing. Well he ended up ignoring me and basically ghosted me instead of breaking up with me. I can still remember our last kiss and I knew it was our last kiss when it happened. I went home and cried for weeks because I really thought I was going to end up with him. It was hard to deal with and it was about to get harder. After a few weeks I realized that my period was late my probably by a week or two and I just thought it was from stress from the break up and school exams. It was February 14, I started coughing a lot and my lungs were on fire and I could hardly breath. So I went to the hospital and found out I was pregnant, surprise! And that because of the pregnancy I had a blood clot in my lungs and need endless X-rays and blood thinners to control the blood clot. Because of this they told me my baby would end up probably deformed and sick all it’s life. So when I got out of the hospital a week later I had to make an awful decision. I waited about another week to tell my ex I was pregnant and when I did he said he would be there but I knew he wouldn’t be. He told me he would support me weather I kept it or not but I knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t bring a baby into this world knowing I couldn’t give it everything I needed because I was to young. So I decided to have an abortion. I know how much hate I’m going to get from this but I was 17, I was to young to raise a baby because I was a baby myself. I couldn’t provide for the baby because I had no money and the father was going to leave at some point and I would be alone. About two weeks after finding out I was pregnant I went and got the abortion. He said he would drive me and flakes out the day of(surprise there) but I already had asked a friend to drive me because I knew he wouldn’t. I went into the procedure feeling fine and left and felt fine. But I got home and into my room and cried myself to sleep. And weeks after I kept crying and crying. But I knew I had made the right Choice, even if others didn’t think so. Skip to 2018 and I’m still in love with this guy and I still haven’t gotten over him, I’m going to college and have a job and I know that if I had kept the baby, the baby and I would in a awful place. Some days I regret it and other times I don’t. Today is a hard day for me because I wish I got to meet the baby and love it. Hate me all you want because I already hate myself. I just needed to rant but know one really knows about it so I came here. Even tho I’m just gonna get hated on, I still need to rant.