Advice on dating for a demisexual?

Question

So I just figured out I was a demisexual, didn’t even know it was a thing.
Anyway the whole concept of dating is weird to me. My only relationships have stemmed out of friendships, but I have moved to a new place and so I know nobody and don’t know how to meet people really. I’m not really into clubbing, I like spending time alone. Casual dating sounds horrible to me, I’ve never been on a blind date or done any online dating.
Before I realized I was a demi, I had given up on dating, thinking that I didn’t want to talk since I didn’t really feel attracted to anyone. Oh and I’m 22 if that effects anything at all.
If you’re a demisexual too I would love any and all advice you have. 
Not looking really for anything specific just want to know your thoughts and experiences.
Thanks

Answer

what is demisexual  totally lost

Answer

I felt the same exact way as you until I filled myself out. For me, having that connection is highly important before I can do anything sexual otherwise there will not be any sexual attraction. I mean there are some people that I deem as "nice to look at" but as I said before I can't gain interest based off of their character then I won't want them. Interest snowballs into that connection that is needed & so on. Other than that I am extremely uninterested 🤷🏾‍♀️

Answer

A lot of it is just taking risks to see if something is there with another person. I started with online dating to sort stuff out. If I didn’t connect with a guy there then we wouldn’t meet in person. If I did then we would set up a date and see if it still clicked in person. Most of the time it was a bust and soooo frustrating. The best thing to do is always go with your gut about somebody. If you don’t feel it then be honest about it and move on. You may get discouraged and stop for a little while, but you’ll eventually be up to trying again. 
I always liked having my first dates at a coffee shop. The particular one I would choose had board games, one in particular was a “Would You Rather” game. So I would grab it and we would take turns asking stuff on the cards. It gets past the “small talk” part of a date that I LOATHE, and helped us to relax and actually try to make a connection. 
Good luck! I hope this helps!

Answer

I'm a bit late(and long) on a response here but thought I'd respond anyway. 
What you're explaining when it comes to dating is very similar to the way I am. I'm a solitary, reclusive person. Most of the time I'd been perfectly content with it but occasionally I just wished it was easier, you know? Hard to explain.....I guess I had moments where I felt I was missing out when I'd seen all my peers pining after someone, having long term relationships, etc. I got worried in my late teens when I couldn't get upset about being stood up or cheated on-that should be upsetting but it wasn't-I just felt nothing. I just never got what the big deal was. Or what was so great about 1 night stands. I've done a lot of "going with it", trying to "fake it till I make it". I'd make excuses to put off sex, feel my head pull away from kisses, yada yada. A dated people I wasn't into sometimes thinking I could force it.
I had my first "relationship" at 21. It was ok but obviously lacking. When I was 23, I finally got actual feels for someone and it was euphoric. I knew after 1 night I wasn't going to forget him. We got together after a month. We did good together but it wasn't meant to be. I will always love him and be thankful for our time. I was silly enough to think I was "fixed" after that so I was determined to have my first one nighter at 27😂 Well.... I failed at that too. I still wouldn't put out for the guy for a month and then spent 4 months in a non-relationship. He was nice, fun to hang with but I knew it was another failure. I broke it off as soon as I realized I wanted to kiss my (now)husband.
This is where it got tricky with me-I'm actually deminpan and it took till I was 30 to acknowledge it. I never had a solid positive female role model and all my high school friends were verbatim like the chicks in Mean Girls(not even exaggerating) so I never allowed myself to ever let any girls that close to me. My mother just, er, wasn't too good to me and took joy in inflicting psychological pain so I was very alone. I certainly found girls physically appealing but was just far too wary of females as a whole. I come from a small town so people constantly speculated on my sexuality, even my family. I'm not saying I'm the nicest looking girl out there but most people found me attractive so, because I wouldn't date anyone they assumed I was gay and I just let them because I was too confused to formulate responses to that, especially in the late 90's. I still don't tell people I'm demipan, not even my husband. I know it's stupid but I just don't want to have to explain that I'm not straight, bi, or gay or deal with eye rolling and more speculation. I'm 34 now and I really wish I worked this out sooner and got over my aversion to females because I feel like I could've made my own life easier and not felt defective. 
If I was in your shoes-early 20's and in a new city, I'd probably open myself up to the LGBT community in hopes of finding other demi's regardless of if they're pan, het, or gay. It would be so relieving to make friends with people who are going through what you go through. For me-a person is a person and gender is secondary regardless of how I've generalized females in the past-yes, I've been working on that aversion and have made big strides in the past few years but I hate myself for being so scared all that time. It was never hate towards girls, just extreme fear with distrust weaved in. I've had girls kiss me when I thought I was straight and was confused I wasn't idk, put off or something-it was the same as with a guy I didn't want. Obviously my teens and 20's were confusing and sometimes lonely. I often felt broken and defective for not wanting sex. I tried fooling around with some but often couldn't get wet and it was kinda embarrassing.
I know this is a long post so sorry about that. It just wasn't easy for me at all and it shaped me into a repressed half-person instead of the full me I'm learning to understand. I hate to think about other people going through it.

Advice on dating for a demisexual?

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