Today I had my first genetic counselling appointment. Walking in by myself was very scary and confronting as the appointments are held in the same place pregnant people go to see their obstetricians. There was a lady there who looked like we would have been roughly the same amount of weeks along. It was hard sitting in the waiting room knowing that in the next few minutes I would be finding out if my baby girl Charlotte Rose was the result of genetic abnormalities. My heart was racing I could hear the beat in my ears and feel my heart thudding loudly against my chest. My name was called and I went in to meet with two ladies who are genetic councillors who would be explaining to me what anencephaly was and what causes it. We talked about my family history and my husbands. We talked about the sickness that my family have suffered along with baby losses experienced by my Mum and sister. They asked if there was anyone with any intellectual disabilities in our families. After she completed the process she showed me a report that was written about my baby. She asked what medication I was on and how long I had taken it before falling. She said I was doing everything right and that sometimes these things happen. She then said she feels for people like myself as we did everything right yet there are women who smoke, drink and take drugs yet they have healthy babies and here I am empty handed and heart broken. She was very compassionate and empathetic both the ladies were. They got a bit teary hearing my story. They asked what I named her and they loved her name they thought it was beautiful. After the massive fear I felt in the waiting room I felt at ease when I heard the words they don’t think it was a genetic issue it just happened. They gave me a 1% to 5% chance of it happening again as I am now taking extra folate. When I left I felt a bit of closure knowing it wasn’t anything I done or anything I could change as I’ve blamed myself. I also feel a bit more calm knowing that it isn’t mine or my husbands genetics not mixing well. I’m a bit more optimistic for my future pregnancy’s I just pray I get one in my arms to hold and love and to tell them about their big sister in heaven ❤️💕