I'm leaving him.. Again... 🙃

So I have decided once and for all to leave my husband.

Back story...

He cheated on me not once but twice, then proceeded to talk to other women when things would be bad from time to time. And these women are people he went to high school with, some I've seen plainly ignore him because they know he's married... but some of them are sus.

Well I ended up confiding in a male gamer friend I had known for years about all the cheating and women, cause I really had no one else.. like I have no real friends anymore. I've pretty much alienated myself for the past 3 years.

Anyway we developed feelings for each other and instead of cheating *cough*like my husband*cough* I asked for a divorce. It was going smoothly and he was cooperating well.

and then things went south...

We were less than a month from it being finalized and I caved and slept with my husband again uhg... why in the world did I do that. I don't even have an answer.

So then we decided to work things out, you know give eachother 100% type stuff. I cut contact with that friend but ever since I have such a longing for him; Despite my inner voice yelling at me, and telling me I'm choosing the wrong person.

Well I ended up contacting him again this week because I just couldn't take the heartache and he still loves me he just wants me to make the decision on my own. He wont talk to me about our relationship until I'm divorced which is understandable.

But there you have it despite my efforts I just think our marriage is not meant to last. I have tried my hardest but it is not fair to me or my husband if I stayed. We have had our problems since before marriage and it's definitely time to end our romantic relationship and focus on our parent relationship.