I got excited this time. I was pregnant for a second time. I was skeptical but optimistic. Two days after finding out I was pregnant I started to miscarry. There is nothing I can do. So much blood, so much pain, and I had to deal with it while I worked a 12 HR shift over night. I'm tired of my body fighting against me. I'm tired of getting my hopes up. I'm tired of feeling like I've done something wrong to deserve this. I know there are lots of women who have been through it worse than me, but I still feel like I'm broken. I work at the county jail here and I see crack heads and prostitutes come in who are 7 months pregnant or have 5 kids and I always wonder how they have no problems and what I did to deserve less than what they have. I'm so tired of this and I just want to give up. I want my body back. I want the bleeding to stop. I want my insides to stop feeling like sandpaper. I just want to have a baby, but lately that seems too much to ask for.