A lot can change in one year..

One year ago, last May, my husband and I had our first MC. We weren’t trying for a baby yet and in fact I was still using the patch. There was a week I forgot to switch and it happened. A lot of cramping and bleeding led me to the dr to learn that I had actually miscarried.

It felt silly to mourn something or someone I wasn’t trying for yet or didn’t know existed until they were gone. So we worked through it and a few months later officially began TTC.

In October we found out we were pregnant! So exciting! I went to the dr and got my blood work - we planned to tell our families at the upcoming birthday party for our niece and then it happened again. I started heavy bleeding and cramping and MC again. My heart was breaking but I was still determined to work through it and try again.

December. I thought THIS WAS IT! Our month, right? Christmas miracle! But I was feeling cranky & breaking out so I thought, forget it I’m getting my period. On Christmas morning I was officially one day late - and as all of you ladies know I’m sure that means TEST AWAY! So I peed on a stick (or three) and all came back with a BFP. I couldn’t be more ecstatic. Over the next month I learned that it’s 100% possible to not be 100% sure if you’re really pregnant or at least “healthy” pregnant. At the end of January we learned that I had an ectopic pregnancy.

How? I’m a healthy 25 year old with no previous scar tissues or major issues. That was it I was done. My heart had been just broken and I felt completely broken.

My husband was the most support and consistent shoulder for me these past few months. When I was unable to breath or move out of grief and depression he powered through for the both of us. When I didn’t want to try again for months and months he didn’t even push back. He is my rock and I am blessed to have him. I couldn’t ask for a better partner in life in this trying year.

So here we are one year later in May again and I’ve been feeling very off. Drinking was making me sick. CHOCOLATE was making me sick and I was determined I was so k with the flu. Probably because I was afraid to pee on another stick, go to the dr and have more heart wrenching news, but he convinced me it’s better to know and go through it together.

So I peed on a stick, then another and another. 20 (literally) - 20 sticks later and it was 100% positive. I went to the dr and my numbers were low, 33 HCG 14 progesterone, but I was very early so they didn’t worry, but I did. Every twinge or pain I would go check to see if I was bleeding. I went back in for blood work and I am now at 600 HCG going strong. I go back in next week for more blood work and hopefully our first successful and healthy ultrasound. I finally feel like I am able to breath and be excited for our upcoming nugget in February!

I share this with all of you for hope in your future - that it is a struggle and a heart ache that most people do not understand.

Most of our family did not know what has happened his year so it was a painful year to constantly have questions about when we were going to have a baby? Didn’t we want one already? It’s something I know that not everyone is okay with publicly sharing which would make it easier right? Then everyone would know my to ask? I want to be a little hope for you that even if it is all constantly going wrong that you can still have a positive outcome somewhere in your future!

Here is hoping things stay on our positive track this time and I can hopefully share beautiful ultrasound photos in the near future!

Baby dust to everyone!