I’m so upset with my SO because I have to choose.

I know this is going to seem REALLY silly to some people, but I have been really upset since my partner and I had a chat this morning.

From the way my partner was talking today, we won’t be getting engaged for another 2 years at least. I would prefer to be married before we have kids because so many people in my life had kids first (including my parents and sister) and I always felt like they got married because they had kids, not because they wanted to spend their lives together. But my partner would prefer to have kids first. He loves the idea of being married but he doesn’t like the idea of of getting married (planning the wedding, people looking at him, having the wedding etc)

So I have two options - have kids at the end of next year, before we get married, even though I really really want to get married first.

Or get engaged in possibly 2 years (or later) then get married, then start trying for kids. I’ve just turned 30 so that option really worries me too because of my biological clock. My mother went through menopause at 35 and I worry that’s my fate too.

I’m sooo torn. 😫😫😫😫

*********************** Update **************************

Thank you so much for your comments ladies. I really appreciate it.

I just wanted to explain a few things that some of you have brought up.

• I’m definitely not leaving my partner. I love him. He is a great man and I do not think having a difference of opinion on this is a reason to break up. This is just something he and I are both going to have to compromise on.

• We don’t have different life goals, we just have a different order in which we would like to achieve them.

• We are in a really good place financially. He got his house built when he was 20 and I have saved a deposit for my first investment property. We aren’t rich at all, but we both work really hard and save our money. So paying for a wedding isn’t an issue for us.

• My partner is currently becoming a pilot and will be finished in two years. He would ideally like to have a job in the industry before we have kids, though today was the first I heard him say he’d rather just focus on finishing his pilots licence and then get engaged. I will talk to him more about this later but I didn’t want to keep the conversation going too much this morning because I would’ve got upset.

• I am a very firm believer that I do not want him to ask me to marry him because I want to get married, but rather because he wants to get married. I don’t want him to feel pressured or cornered or forced in any way. That to me would be a thousand times worse than him choosing to walk away. That’s part of the reason I didn’t keep the conversation going this morning because I knew that if I got upset, I wouldn’t have articulated how I felt properly and I would’ve said something to pressure him into considering it before he was ready.

• We are both very close to our families and my family is quite large. We talked early about eloping but I don’t think we could do it and not have the people we love most in the world there to celebrate with us. We will just have a quick ceremony and then we can party the night away with our friends and family.

• My partner has talked about us getting married quite a lot since we’ve been together. I initiated a lot of the earlier conversations but he has brought up the wedding a lot over the past 6 months when o told him I wasn’t going to bring it up anymore.

Honestly, we will be fine. I’ve just had a really tough, emotional day and I think a lot of it has got to do with my birth control. It’s playing havoc with my emotions and I have been getting increasingly upset over things I used to be able to handle. I think it’s time to stop BC for good.

Thank you so much for commenting. You’ve all really helped. 😘😊