One of those days...

My fiancé and I have been trying to conceive for almost a year. I know that doesn’t seem like much time to some of you, but to me? It is. And all of it hurts. The constant negatives, discouraging periods, the miscarriage, it hurts. Yesterday, my fiancé and I had an amazing day, we went swimming together, hung out, talked for hours, it was amazing to have that kind of one on one time, but I still felt like something was missing. I kept seeing all of these little boys running around, hugging their moms and dads, and it made me sad (I’ve always wanted a boy first). We decided to take our new puppy to the park later that evening and I saw this little boy and his father playing at the park. They were so happy. I couldn’t help but to think, I want that. I’m jealous. I started crying and my fiancé instantly was like what’s wrong baby, what happened? But I didn’t want to tell him. He blames himself for us not being able to conceive and I always tell him the same, it’s not your fault. It’s no ones fault. I didn’t want to see that spark go out of his eyes if I told him. He kept asking me and I kept saying I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to upset you. He kept insisting I tell him, so I did. I told him how I was worried we’d never get there, how even though I wanted a boy right now I’d be happy just to know we made it. He paused and looked at me and took my hand and he goes, baby, we’re gunna get there. I promise. I’ll buy that pressed stuff you’ve been talking about and we’ll be like jackrabbits and go five, six, maybe seven times (he’s weirdly encouraging😂). It made me smile, but I still felt empty. All he kept saying was baby I promise we’ll get there. And his encouragement has lead me to believe that even on the hard days, even on the bad days, we’re going to be okay. It was just one of those days.❤️