Stuck

This is of decent length, but I’m looking for honest, logical advice, if you’re willing.

So, I experienced some pretty bad things where I work. I’ve mentioned some of it in previous posts, but long story short (but it’s still pretty long, so you’ll get the picture): In 2014, I went through some stuff that eventually ended with my divorce, I was seeking psychological help and taking psych meds, but things were really bad. I cheated on my husband, I ran away from home, and was doing other self-destructive things. The person I cheated with, I worked with. I never wanted anything with this person to begin with and said so, and I especially never wanted anything at work and told him that on multiple occasions, but despite all that, he raped me there, sexually assaulted me there, and somehow had his whole shift bullying, intimidating, harassing, etc me for months. I eventually started getting my head on straight again, stopped taking psych meds, left my husband, and tried to end the relationship I had with the person at work. I eventually (months later, after avoiding him at work to extreme extents) filed sexual harassment on him when I couldn’t get him to “get” that I didn’t want him and whatever, and after he threatened me, harassed me about an imaginary boyfriend, and continued to involve others in manipulating and harassing me at work. I didn’t get him fired from his job, though I was asked if that’s what I wanted, and due to having had consensual sex with him (that’s questionable though, due to the state of my mental health at the time, which was apparent to all who worked with me) and due to what everyone else thinks they know about it (due to whatever he was telling them, when I wasn’t telling them anything), thinks they witnessed, and refuses to admit their part in it, I doubt the extent to which I was believed about the whole incident. I very much believe most people I work with think that I was dating this person and that he just pissed me off somehow and filing eeo on him was some kind of revenge. That’s not it at all - I’m afraid of this person. I believe if he ever gets the chance to make good on his threat to me, he’d jump at it - though I hope and wish that I’m wrong in thinking this.

Now, I quit this job last summer to go back to grad school. I couldn’t take it anymore. I’d seen it through. I was only making $18,000 a year, if that, and it’s not worth it when I’m constantly putting myself behind a locked door whenever he’s around and calling off if he’s roaming around freely and I know to expect it, and dealing with all the mental trauma from everything that happened there, and still dealing with the kind of work atmosphere where that all happened, apparently unnoticed. But I work for some really decent people, who looked out for me during the difficult time when I made this big mess in 2014, who’ve tried their best to be caring, understanding, and are the best supervisors I’ve ever had, I think. They’re awesome. But again, I already quit this job bc I couldn’t handle it anymore and was finally ready to move on (and make more money). I still work there bc they rehired me as a temporary when I quit, so I could help them out, and they could help me out financially while I’m in school and on breaks.

It’s been fine, even good to be working there. They assigned me to a different area of the building, and the person I had these problems with has been working at another facility, even. Co-workers come and talk to me like old friends who’ve missed me, and I believe they have, bc I know my worth to the facility. (These are mostly not the same co-workers who participated in harassing me, mind you. Those co-workers still don’t like me or talk to me if they don’t have to, since I filed sexual harassment in 2015.)

But about a week ago, the staff member whom I fear started leaving at the same time I leave everyday, being in the parking lot for a few minutes right about the time I get off (though he wasn’t alone, but was with another staff member at their car). This started, mind you, a day after I started sending out mass emails to help out another co-worker. I’ve addressed this, as of yesterday, with my supervisor. I’m off today to avoid the person I filed against in 2015, since he’s at the facility for training today.

This is relevant and I need advice bc I’m kinda losing my mind. Like I’ve already stated, I fear this person. I want nothing to do with him - I don’t want to give him any kind of chance at all to make good on his threat to me. But also, today and yesterday evening when I decided not to work today to avoid him, I feel inferior, kind of defeated, and in a way incompetent (concerning defending myself against him or whatnot), and feeling this way, letting this person make me feel this way, makes me angry. I’m regretting not getting him fired for it, but I’ve now left working there - they want me back, and show me appreciation and even maybe privilege to get me to come back to work for them - and I was afraid of what he’d do (especially to me) if I did get him fired.

My boyfriend doesn’t like me working there, though I involved him in the decision to accept this temporary position last year. The more I tell him about what happened there and what’s happening there now, the more he encourages me to not go back. I feel that may be best, but I need the money from working to pay bills (especially medical bills that I can’t afford). He’s even gone as far (this morning) as talking about marrying me just so I have benefits and so I won’t be paying medical out of pocket (which is pretty much what I’m doing, especially with vision and dental). That’s not a good reason to marry, I don’t believe. We’ve been together 2 years, we’ve discussed marriage before and how we’re not ready for it yet, and I hate upsetting him by telling him what’s going on and him not being able to anything about it. He says he feels like he’s being punished, bc I have to be in another city to work this job, but again, I’m barely surviving financially, and so is he. I’m not very good with new people, am misunderstood a lot, and finding another temporary job right now (especially in wv) is much more difficult, and even impossible in some aspects (I’m “over-qualified” for fast food and retail, but it’s not like I’d like working either of those anyway, even if I hadn’t been told that). The plan was to work this job for the summer, but idk if I can handle it if my supervisors can’t figure something out to where I don’t have to worry about this one staff member anymore...

Please, feel free to tell me what you think about this mess. Try not to be judgmental or shame me for what I’ve done in the past - I’ve already beat myself up over it for years and am currently not in the state to handle any more abuse by others for it. I already know what I did was wrong, and I’ve paid dearly for it. I’ve learned a great deal from it and just anymore want to move on from it and be able to leave it at someone else’s door. Thanks in advance for your thoughts, respect, and honesty.