Are toxic in-laws a deal breaker?

Question

I would love to know what you think... I’ve been doing some soul searching in my relationship and I’m just not sure about what I’m feeling...

Answer

I learned my lesson with my last marriage. If the person with the toxic family isn't willing to acknowledge that they're toxic and a dress it or cut ties, it's not worth the heartache and suffering you'll endure

Answer

For me the absolutely are- if they are still an active part of their child's life. Someone can't help if they have toxic family- they CAN help if they allow that toxicity into their lives. IMO, you can't build a long lasting, healthy relationship with someone who allows toxicity into your lives. So, I guess what I should say is it depends on the relationship and the boundaries set/enforced by my partner.

Answer

My future in laws are toxic and may become a deal breaker. They use my boyfriend all the time for his money (the money he gets from the government to pay for university-- he's legally a foster child as his parents lost custody). He feels beholden to them and responsible for them. But, he's slowly starting to see that he doesn't have to pay for their new roof, their cars, etc. The biggest issue is that he has no exposure to good parents so he just sees this as normal. I've slowly been getting him to see the light and he's distancing himself more and more. Of course this has made his parents hate me and they've certainly been an issue for me. But, my boyfriend has never allowed them to continue and has always taken my side and protected me the best he can. 
So, as long as he continues to support me and not allow his parents to run his life then it's fine. Its not his fault he got stuck with dead beats for parents. But, if he started to allow them to be rude to me or about me I'd leave. Or if he starts paying for them completely again I will leave because once we're married our money will be our money and I'm not paying a dime for people that just take and take from him without ever even a thank you  or care that they're risking his education or  bankrupting their own child.

Answer

They were an absolute deal breaker, but still ended up with crazies 🤷🏼‍♀️.

Answer

If they’re actively trying to insert themselves where they don’t belong constantly, THEY are an issue. I wouldn’t blame my spouse. My husbands mother is not my favorite person based off of things she’s done to my husband in the past, but I wouldn’t put it on him when she tries to rear her head.

Answer

Absolutely a deal breaker. 
I was with my ex for 3.5 years and married for 1.5 years of it. 
His parents are 99.9% of the reason I left him. He was a good guy but he didn’t feel like my soulmate and it didn’t help that his parents controlled every aspect of his life. They even voted for him every year. He was a man child and they were the most ignorant, racist, homophobic, asshole people ever. They told me that our kids (we never had any and barely talked about it) were not allowed to be gay, dress like hipsters, have disabilities or date outside of their race. I couldn’t handle it anymore and left. I refused to bring children into the world with family members that acted and thought that way. Truly disgusting. 
My current husband doesn’t have a lot of family so it’s a lot easier to get along with them, plus they’re not racist or batshit crazy.

Answer

I think it'd depend on the relationship they have with their parents. If they cater to the toxic relationship, feed into it, then no. If they can say," I love my family but they are not healthy for me and I will be there for them if they change." then probably.

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im getting there😅

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No, you’re dating the son, not his parents. As an adult you can choose where you go and who you see, if you don’t want to see them then no one can force you to.

Answer

It depends. My 'mother in law' is a toxic person but we have no contact whatsoever with her, so no. My ex's parents were con artists who manipulated money and whatever else they could out of their children, and my ex would take money from our joint account to give to them or pay their bills with. We were making the payments and paying for insurance on a car his parents always had and he let them. That was a deal breaker for me because he didn't want to or know how to say no.

Are toxic in-laws a deal breaker?

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