I need to vent 💔

I need to vent but any advice and positive words/quotes are welcome. Long long long story short, I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years however we've been best of friends for 12.5 years. He was and is the love of my life, we have a daughter together whom we both planned to bring into the world. There was sooooo much love there and we were there for each other through all the good and bad times. We grew codependent! I never ever saw that as an issue and it just kept evolving and evolving but we enjoyed spending time together! I broke up with him due to the last year and a half not being the best for us, I knew it was a toxic relationship because we constantly fought and he used alcohol to self medicate. When he would go hang out with friends which was rare!!!!! I would be all in his business and would be beyond upset if he wouldn't text me back quick enough. I don't really have friends because I pushed them away, started seeing them less because I was all about him...he started being mean and disrespectful and said he felt stuck with me but then the next day he would tell me he wanted to marry me. I feel like we both ruined a great thing and I finally broke up with him because I felt like I wasn't focusing on my life and our future...it's been almost 4 weeks and we've talked a couple times. Now he was an amazing father but since we broke up he's been very absent, and my daughter has been very emotional and acting out! I am very upset and hurt that he didn't react to our break up (I wasn't doing it for show I knew it had to be done) but I mean he was my everything and he didn't do a thing and not even til this point! He's rude to me!!!! When he does call for his daughter he doesn't talk to me which is fine. He doesn't ask for pictures, and I don't send any and I blocked him from Snapchat and Facebook, I feel like he is enjoying life now. And that kills me!!!!!! I just wanted US to be happy!!! I didn't lose my boyfriend, I lost my best friend...my world. He told me two weeks ago, I took our daughter over to go swimming, while she was napping he asked me if I wanted to have sex, now let me tell you we had just been arguing like crazy not even two hours before and I was like um no? Because I'm trying to act tough like I don't want to be with him...and he's like ok I just didn't know. Well 30 minutes later I went over to him and tried to kiss him and I had my hand down there and he's like what are you doing? I don't want to be with you and I was so mad? He's the one who asked if I wanted to have sex and now you reject me???? Like what the fuck right???? Anyways we suck at coparenting, we just cannot do it, we suck. I feel like it's affecting our daughter, she's almost 3. But I don't know what to do, I am angry I am hurt my heart is shattered. We were so young and damaged when we met that I feel that's why we grew super codependent. It sucks so bad....I am not trying to get into a relationship at all however when I think of being with someone else I just can't I don't want anyone else, I don't want a stepfather for my daughter I don't want anyone else!!!!! I feel like we're done forever and I'm paralyzed. I'm beyond depressed, I feel worthless and suicidal which I know I don't have the balls to do anything anyways but that feeling is so strong and it takes so much from me! Has anyone reading this been in a similar situation with a codependent/toxic relationship? How did you grow from this? I'm so heartbroken. And how does someone learn to coparent with the person they love but can't have. Thanks for reading