Recovery

*trigger warning*

When I was 14 I was raped by my now then boyfriend. I couldn’t admit it to myself until the end of the relationship because if I would’ve admitted it to myself I think I wouldn’t be here today. He physically abused me, psychologically and sexually. I put up with that for 11 months. I was just a little girl and he was 2 years older than me. I developed an eating disorder because of his ridiculous comments on my body, I started getting nightmares, flashbacks, anxiety attacks. He stalked me after HE broke up with ME(thank god for that, not the stalking) and well I was already depressed and I got worse and worse. I told my parents a year and a half later it happened. I remember him saying “ hey don’t be so uptight I want to make love to you” and me saying “I’m not ready I don’t want to” and him just opening my legs and- well, you get the gist of it. He stole my virginity. I can remember the terror and pain I felt after it happened and how his poisonous arms just wrapped around me as he slept and as I so silently cried, petrified.

I just want people to know that even though shitty things like this happen, life can get better and you can find a real person who can take care of you and who will love you for who you are and not what your body “has to offer”. Because of what happened to me, I started martial arts (Brazilian jiu-jitsu and boxing. I even fell in love for the first time in my life. Although I’m not with either of those guys, I got a glimpse of what life can be in the future and how now if anyone lays a hand on me or any person I know of with bad intentions, I can defend myself and my most cherished and kick ass.