Good days..then hard days

Tonight has been full of sadness and tears. In one word, sobbing. I just want my turn, my true rainbow, my happiness. I don’t know what it was about today. All of Facebook, one friend expecting #4, another just had her second baby girl (which her videos made me cry even harder, her first is going to be such a wonderful big sister), and then what started my emotional evening was seeing a video of my husband’s best friends’ daughter. He only gets to see his daughter every 4-6 months because his ex wife up and left him to another state and now raises her with another man. It was a video of her strumming a guitar (she just turned two and her biological dad is a bass player). It’s so emotional because because of someone else’s actions...he can’t really experience her growing up. That’s heartbreaking. Then of course I reflected on my journey (trying for six years, 3 miscarriages, can’t make it past 6-7 weeks, never gotten to hear heartbeat)

I am just heartbroken. I want a child, more than anything in this world. I have been with my husband 10 years...sometimes it feels so unfair.

Dear god, please let me have my turn.