I found out I was pregnant in July 2016 and had an abortion in August 2016 I was 7 weeks and 1 day when I took the abortion pill. This year is my 2 year anniversary. I still cry and pray about it, but I made the right decision. Here's the story. I was 19 and my boyfriend and I had only been seen each other since May 19, 2016. We made a stupid decision to not wear a condom because I was drying up and he was getting soft so no the pull out method doesnt work if you were like us (doing it like every 10 mins) anyway I didn't decide to have an abortion because I fucked up. In July (before getting pregnant) my mother tried to kill herself so we lost our apartment (because we couldn't pay rent) making us homeless living in a hotel. I had lost my job because I had to get everything out of the apartment and my manager wouldn't except that I couldn't come in to work. While I was getting everything out I was balling my eyes out, I figured it was because I was about to start my period, when I got my mom out of the hospital we went to a hotel and I noticed I was 5 days late so I got a test and took both of them...pregnant. My first thought was abortion, I didn't have a home, a job, or a car (I never had the money to get a car) I literally had nothing for this baby. So I called my boyfriend and we decided on abortion. We did talk about adoption he didn't want to because he was either going to raise it or no one would (but he was barely able to take care of himself being young and all) and I refuse to give my baby up for adoption because my mother was and shes told me she wish she was aborted, I had a friend who was raped by her adopted father, and my mom used to work at a psych ward with foster children who were raped and abused and always asking why their mothers didn't want them and didn't love them and I didn't want that to ever happen to my child if they even got adopted, now dont get me wrong I do have friend who were adopted and that didn't happen but I would always have that in the back of my mind if I did adoption. Anyway my mom found out (she is pro choice) and told me if I did it I would get kicked out and she wouldnt talk to me. So my boyfriend let me move in with him and I made the appointments, and I was the one who choose to go through with it. My boyfriend helped me with the morning sickness and after the abortion all the blood and the throwing up and healing process. It wasn't something that was easy and I would second guess it but I was young with nothing and I didn't have a sex ed class I had a basketball couch who made us shoot hoops instead of learn about it.

Do I regret it? Of course, I regret never getting to see her (I believe it would of been a girl because of a dream) or hold her, or hear her, read to her, cuddle her, or see her go to kindergarten and see her have a boyfriend and friends and graduate high school and go to college etc. But I dont regret it because what would I give her? I was living in a hotel with no decent job or car, no way to get to my hospital appointments, no health insurance. I literally had nothing, I used my last paycheck for the abortion (him and I split it) after it happened I didn't feel as bad as I thought I would all I kept thinking was this is the right adult decision...until it finally hit me 2 weeks later. For the first time in A LONG time I went to my bed crying my eyes out got down on my knees and prayed to God, I asked for forgiveness and asked if he would apologize to her for me and tell her I love her. Because even though I never knew her I do love her I dont know how to explain it I just do.

I do believe she forgave me, because about year after it happened I really kind of stopped thinking about it but I had a random dream about this BEAUTIFUL babygirl that was mine and my family and I were having a picnic and she was smiling and loving on me and when I woke up I started crying and realized it had been almost a year. I believe she was tell me it was okay. And it doesn't matter what anyone says I think she forgives me and that's honestly all that matters.

It's been almost 2 years and I still love her and I'm still sorry...but it was the right decision.

(My mom apologized so we are all good and shes doing so much better, my boyfriend and I are still together. We got our own place, I'm a cna...still working on the car part (another long story) if I would have gotten pregnant now instead of then I would of had the baby btw. And to other girls in this situation if you had the baby and somehow got it all together congratulations:)