i want to fucken end it

im here sitting down on the side of my bed crying and not being able to feel the tears roll down my face because of the numbness i feel, not just emotionally but physically. he hit me again last night two punches on my back 3 on my face 1 black eye 1 bloody eye , a bump on my cheek. im here sitting on the side of my bed waiting for me to come to a realization that i want to fucken end this . peep how i say i WANT because i do . i just dont have no where to go. no money . no family. im alone. suicide has popped in my head over and over . im trying to let go . i want help. but he covers my mouth while im screaming internally. i watched how he broke everything i owned, my makeup that i love to do everymorning to cover up my scars, my brand new shoes that i worked hard for. he says its my fault why he hits me. its always my fault then. im sitting here on the side of my bed patiently trying to process what i did wrong. i want to fucken end this