I’m not actually sure what I’m looking for but I’m struggling to wrap my head around my feelings moving into my first <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> cycle.

We aren’t sure if we are using donor sperm yet, the clinic will let us know the insurance coverage early next week and without donor backup we might just get some frozen eggs.

Today we moved into our new apartment and I’m stuck with this unbelievable wish I could fast forward and simply know what our lives will look like. I find myself sad because our baby won’t just “happen”, excited at the possibilities, and still very daunted by the process.

My life has always been a series of happy accidents that I welcome and make the best of. I’m humbled because the fact that we can do this is so amazing, and terrified because if this doesn’t go well this was not something we’ve just stumbled into, my spouse and I have chosen it wholeheartedly.