Feeling not good enough.. 😪

I put on a brand new sexy piece of lingerie I bought, that i finally recieved it in the mail.. I put it on hours before my SO got home from work, sending him countless teasing sexy pictures, telling him I CANNOT wait to have sex tonight.. So he gets home and all he well, hes in a great mood but doesnt care to much about what I'm wearing.. doesnt even attempt to touch me.. we have a few drinks, and now I'm really excited to have sex.. but nothing. Nothing. 2 nights in a row so far that I dress up and try to please him but at the end of the day nothing.. he jacked off around noon when he came home for lunch with his pocket pussy, I asked If he'd still be up for tonight and he said yes.. 5 days ago he asked to watch porn and we did the entire time we had sex, now keep in mind I HATE porn I really do, he did it once to me without my knowledge and I was upset so he agreed never to do it again, we've been together for 4 years haven't watched porn in 3 years.. and0 like since than he just doesnt seem that into me anymore. I'm crying while writing this, I feel WORTHLESS.. I feel UNWANTED and most of all I feel UNATTRACTIVE . I use to suffer from serve depression and got past it with a lot of work, attempted suicide countless times and honestly I really want to cut myself tonight.. I want to let this pain go.. I want to break up with him.. I've given him COUNTLESS chances, from porn to him physically hurting me and he says he will try harder but it never happens. I'm done.. I am.. I love this man so much but it truly seems like I'm never enough. I feel unworthy. I feel like

shit.