Dear first love,

I remember the exact moment I realized I was in love with you. I was kind of drunk, and you were taking care of me, cuddling with me in my bed in my dorm at 2 in the morning. I remember I had you pick what music we listened to this time, because I always played mine since you claimed no one liked your music. But I did like your music. I remember your arms around me and you kissing me softly. I remember when all I wanted was to lay down, but you pulled my arms to sit up with you. I asked you “what do you want” and you said “you”. A few minutes later we were laying silently and I was zoning out, my head completely clear of thoughts. I was half asleep in your arms. When suddenly “I’m in love with you” burst through my mind. I stopped my thoughts immediately. I was terrified. I knew that everyone always said “when you’re in love, you’ll just know”. I tried to convince myself that my brain was wrong and that I was FALLING for you but that I wasn’t in love with you. But a few weeks later when we had the what are we talk and you left my room as solely my best friend, I immediately burst into tears because I knew I loved you. You were the first guy who had my heart fully in your hands, and you had the ability to do whatever you wanted with it. Other guys had torn my heart slightly, but you had the ability to shatter it completely, so easily.

The past two months accepting that even though we like each other, we can’t be in a relationship and we’re only best friends, has been hard. It was rough at first, a lot. Especially without seeing you because now we’re 2000 miles apart for summer break. I read a book called “This is Me Letting You Go” by Heidi Priebe and it really helped me. By page 3 I was crying. After finishing the book, I felt so much better. I’m not letting go of you, I’m just getting over you.

For the past two months, I couldn’t see myself with anyone. I couldn’t see myself in any relationship. Not any time soon. I had wonderful guys asking me out, but I just wasn’t interested. I couldn’t say yes. You were all I wanted and I wasn’t completely over you. But last weekend, I met someone who completely changed my mind. They say you just know when you’re in love, and you just know when you find the right one. And that’s what happened.

This boy has made me incredibly happy since we met a few days ago. Everything has happened so fast but, as he even said himself, it doesn’t feel rushed. It just feels so natural, so right. I’m so shocked that I met someone so wonderful, someone I clicked with so well, that this is actually happening for me.

I know that I’m officially over you. And I am exciged for my journey with this boy. But I will absolutely always love you, and you are still my best friend and I can’t wait to see you in a few weeks. You will always be my first love, and I want to thank you for the three months we spent together and for helping me become who I am today. Thank you for leading me down this path in which I have met the most amazing boy in the world. I’m finally ready.

And by the way, I hope you love me too... even if you’d never admit it to me.