So a when I was 14 I was raped I got pregnant and lost the baby. When I was also emotional assaulted an sexual assaulted by my self father since I was 8

When I was 16 I was in a relationship witxh a guy that was 22 he got me pregnant and at 15 weeks he pushed me down the stairs and I misscarried the baby.

Then went on to meet my amazing SO when I was 17 and two years ago

Tomorrow we Made it official

When I was 18 I got pregnant and misscarried the baby that was around about a year ago, I ovulated today and wanted to know things that maybe help implantation as we have been actively trying for 9 months now, financially we are stable and have our own place and everything

He asked me to marry him 2 weeks ago and I said yes because i love him with all my heart

But I’m sat here right now and I’m crying I long for the baby I lost and I really feel like I would so anything to be with them. I feel like im going to commite sucide, I don’t know what to do my so dosnr show any sadness at all.

Pl ase someone help me. I haven’t told anyone I know about my last misscarrage I want to call the self help line but I don’t know what they will do so I don’t want to.

Also I had an ultrasound today for what the doctors think is endometriosis. I would of had ultrasound for my baby about now so I don’t know if that’s why I’m feeling so sad today or what

(Sorry this is gery long)