I’ve been in a whirlwind type of relationship.

Met him on tinder “yes tinder”

Finally met after a month of talking online and via text

Fell madly for this man and we couldn’t stay away from each other since we met.

I was getting kicked out my home with my then one year old and my younger brother.

He was renting a room and was desperately wanting to move into his own place.

We agreed we thought it was a good idea to move in together after only four months of dating lol “I know”

He was amazing with my kids and with me.

Fast forward a little

We had a ton of ups and downs. More downs than you can imagine “but we are finally working through it”

We have a car together, a place together, and currently having our first child together. All in a span of 11 months!!! 😳 this is the quickest relationship I have ever been in. In the beginning I was like I can see myself marrying this man and spending forever with him. You know the usual. But because of all the things we have been going through lately. I’ve sadly lost that hope. I’ve lost the want to have more children with him “we agreed on two of our own” wanting to buy a home with him and most

Importantly to me, marriage. Granted we are on track to getting to where we were pre-new life stress. And we are looking into couples therapy. And I so badly want to fall back in love with him.

Do not get me wrong I love him. But I want our communication to get better and I feel that’s where our spark dulled. Anywho back to it

Slowly but surely we’ve met each others friends and family. At our gender reveal three weeks ago his moms side all asked about marriage. He actually brought it up in front of the whole party and was like I’m going to marry you one day, you know that right? I laughed and brushed it off and called him silly. His father’s side, his best friend/cousin married his girlfriend of 11yrs yesterday and there went that question again “when are you guys getting married” at this point I just couldn’t hold back or play silly and say oh maybe one day “like I did times before” I flat out said, never.

He looked at me in shock. And then asked me why I said that. I was 100% honest and said I don’t ever see us getting married and I’ve told you this before. I hate to be the Debby downer but honestly I don’t see marriage in our future if we don’t work on ourselves and if we don’t work on us together. I can’t predict the future and maybe who knows I do stay with him forever like we planned but right now I don’t see it. And I just can’t see myself faking it in front of friends and family about getting married when all my hopes for that currently are gone...

I feel like a douchebag cause we are still new and we are meeting each other’s family and friends and instead of being in puppy love honey moon bliss, we are here...

This post was pointless but I needed to get it off my chest. I try to keep my relationship details very private with friends and family because I feel they are the quickest to judge and give their opinions on how THEY’D make it work or how I should just leave “due to things that had happened between he and I” I just needed to feel like I am not pressured to do something or make a decision right away for once and maybe just maybe have someone not judge me....