Today, 10 months ago, I was stripped down and covered up in an OR room. I was scared. I was loopy. I was depressed.

I was preparing for my D&C.;

Yes, I chose a d&c.;

It was my decision.

I didn’t want to endure the natural miscarriage.. that was happening the morning of my appointment.

It started that night.

I was scared.

I was hurting.

I didn’t want to see my little lifeless baby.

My baby that I was supposed to protect.

I couldn’t do that.

I blamed myself for it all.

But, It was not my fault.

I chose to not have to “birth” my baby that had passed away.

I am upset.

I am destroyed.

I am struggling with TTC.

To all the mamas who lost their babies..

Do not give up hope.

Keep striving.