I have this co-worker who chews gum all day. She chews gum like it's her job. She's chewing it as I type.

Actually, no, she doesn't chew it. She pops it. She snaps it. She squishes it. She cracks it. She smacks it. All. Day. Long.

Fact: if she doesn't let up with the never-ending symphony of disgusting mouth noises, I am going to lose it.

My stapler is looking more tempting all the time. It could be useful in this situation . . .

She needs to stop chewing like a cow.

I expect to peek over the cubicle wall and see this:

I can't take this!!!!