When my boyfriend committed suicide when I was pregnant with our son I had no idea life would be like this now!

Fast forward over a year later from losing him and me and my son are thriving. I’m in college & we are so happy! 💕 he’s walking like crazy and will be 10 months old next week! 😭😭😭 I cant believe it. This app has helped me so much I appreciate all the kind words that were said to me over time. 💕 here’s some pics 💕

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EDIT

As always, thank you for the kind words everyone! ❤️❤️ I’m sure some of y’all have questions like did I see it coming? Did he know I was pregnant? How did I handle it? Etc.

Unfortunately, I did see it coming. I watched him struggle for months with different mental illnesses. Bipolar, schizophrenia, anxiety, paranoia, the list goes on. He talked about it quite a bit actually. He did not leave a note. But texted me right before he did it I believe and told me he’d love me forever.

He did know I was pregnant. We didn’t know the gender yet, but I was 15 weeks along. And he was super excited. He had a shitty childhood and grew up without a dad. I could really tell he wanted to be what he never had.

I handled it like I think anyone would. I knew I couldn’t break because I had to stay strong and keep going in my pregnancy because I still had 6 months to go. It was rough, but I was so excited to be a mom it took a little bit of the pain away. Sometimes it still doesn’t feel real that such a traumatic event happened to me at such a young age (22). It was weird, when it happened it felt like a movie. And I still catch myself being bitter towards happy couples getting pregnant, having babies, getting married, everything.. because that’s all I ever wanted with him. I think that was the hardest part, was doing everything alone. My mom was always there for me of course, every ultrasound/checkup, and the best birthing partner I could ever ask for. But I still felt like I got a lot of side eye at the office like oh poor girl, got knocked up and the dads not in the picture. Idk it just sucked. Single mamas rock though, more power to us.. it’s hard!

Honestly, I’m an open book. If anyone has any questions, feel free to ask ❤️

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Edit #2!!!

Because I totally thought of a couple other things :)

1) his name!!! My baby boy’s name is Berkeley Michael. I chose the name Berkeley because his daddy was very fond of Berkeley, California and I just thought it was a super cute name and a sweet tribute to him! And Michael was his dad’s middle name!!

2) do I have a relationship with his dad’s side of the family?? Unfortunately, no. I would love for my son to have another family that loves him and cares about him but I don’t think they’re good people and I’m doing what I think is best for my son. It’s been a tough decision. But I’m confident I’m making the right one!