Its been a couple weeks since it happened and I haven’t spoken about it much. I lost my pregnancy at 5 weeks due to it being stuck in my left fallopian tube. Thing is, I wasn’t going to keep it due to the fact it would have been my second child and I’m already young and in college. My boyfriend and I just couldn’t afford two. Two days before I was at Planned Parenthood and got an ultra sound for an abortion. Im not sure how they missed that it was ectopic, but they did. Two days later I am in extreme pain like I was in labor pushing out a child all over again, throwing up everything and dry heaving. My mom took me to the ER at 2am after a whole day of me being like this. Turns out my fallopian tube ruptured, causing me to have severe internal bleeding, losing the baby and my left fallopian tube and almost my life if I would have waited another minute at home. Now I am just traumatized. Idk how to feel because I wasn’t entirely okay with getting an abortion but it was my only option. So I did feel something for it, I am a mother. I don’t want to have sex, like ever again. I have chosen my last resort birth control method which is the implant. Its the only one i’ve never been on until now. Like I’ve even been avoiding my boyfriend, which is easy because he works so much. But I do feel like I need a shoulder to lean on. To cry on. Is it okay to not know how to feel?

Sorry I made this so long, if you even read it..