Hello!

So the LGBT+ community is something I am still learning about, so please don’t mind any ignorance and please help me learn D:

A little back story:

For a very long time, I was very hateful towards this community as well as other communities. after a very meaningful spiritual experience, I realized how hateful and judgmental I was. I also learned that I was harassing a lot of communities, LGBT+ included, because it was like the bully complex type thing. It felt better to pick on those that were experiencing things I myself was having trouble with and didn’t understand.

It’s been 8 months since my experience, and I’m learning so much about myself and the world so fast in all aspects.

Something I’m really conflicted on and have been my whole life is gender identity. As a child, I was ALWAYS the biggest tomboy. And when I was told I couldn’t roughhouse and do things with the boys because I was a girl, I didn’t understand. I was told what I could and couldn’t do, such as join the football team, because of my genitalia. Over the years, I developed this weird like, penis envy lol. I’ve never really openly admitted this, at least in a serious and public manner. I feel really uncomfortable, almost sick, when I refer to myself as a girl or with female pronouns.

Its really conflicting to me though because I feel that same discomfort when others refer to me as male. And that doesn’t make sense to me D:

I do identify as grey Ace sexuality wise, and when I realized that, it felt so validating to finally admit. but gender wise it’s been really just, uncomfortable and confusing. I don’t really understand. And I guess I feel really alone and weird as I don’t know others with this issue. I had severe agoraphobia for about 4 years and am finally meeting more people ever since that experience I mentioned earlier, but it’s still really scary D: