don't know how to feel.... I try and keep it short

I have been with my husband for 4 years now and married 1 year. ever since October 2017 I been feeling like I don't even know what to feel anymore because in October 2017 and in June 2018 I had a miscarriage at 21 and 17 weeks. I feel like I distance myself from my husband and I feel like I don't even deserve to be a mother as it feels like it has been my fault about the miscarriage as I have something called incompetent cervix. I feel like my husband will get up and leave because of that although deep down I know he is not such a person to do so. (if you have anything horrible to say then don't say it )