Broken Up After 5 Years

Hey everyone so me and my boyfriend of almost 5 years broke up and we have a 8 1/2 month old together... it has been a long time coming but it still hurts because at one point I thought we were each others forever but then I got pregnant. Before i got pregnant there wasn’t a day we wouldn’t see eachother, every day even if it was for an hour at night before we went to bed. Then after i got pregnant he started hanging out with his friends a ridiculous amount, I’d ask him to come over and he’d say in an hour then and hour goes by and he’s nowhere to be found. It was constant and he picked up the habit of smokin weed like he was clenching onto his childhood. He kept telling me things were gonna change and we would be living together soon and nothing ever changed and we still live apart. When my son was born everything was good for about 2 weeks then things went right back to the way it was.... our relationship was all texting , he never does anything to help with our son, I pay babysitters to go out. I finally got fed up and broke up with him when he called me selfish. 8 and a 1/2 months I’ve done everything to make sure my son was straight while he did nothing... I’m selfish ? I am finally done He is a very mentally abusive person, Any time i would try to break up with him and he’d threaten to kill himself. I didn’t realize how abusive he was until I starting checking out of the relationship. I still love him and I always will, he is my father’s child, my first love and the love of my life but I have to love me first...

Thank you to whoever made it this far, I just needed to vent. Love yourselves !