Just need to vent

Let me start off by saying. I don’t think there is anything wrong with me and I’m not concerned that I have health issues.

My husband and I had previously talked about waiting a year to try for a baby, but then we went on vacation, had a lot to drink and thought it was a better plan to try now. Those mixed drinks really did the trick! So we tried earlier this month. We aren’t at the point of actively wanting to try every month and I wasn’t going to be destroyed if it didn’t happen this month. I mean it’s the first month! I know sometimes it takes a while and I’m 28 years old and never had children.

My husband was talking to me the other day while we were in the happiest place on earth (Target 🎯). We walked by the baby stuff and my husband who NEVER stops there, started looking and picking out items he would want to have for a baby. It was very sweet to see. He told me that if it didn’t work this time he would be sad. I really didn’t think it would affect him like that. My period is supposed to start in 6 days and I honestly don’t feel “pregnant” or any symptoms that would make me believe I am. I have some cramping, but according to my app histories from Ovia, that ALWAYS happens right now. I have some breast sensitivity but also, according to the app, I usually feel like this. My CM looks like it’s on the usual cycle, drier than normal but nothing crazy. I’m bloated and tired but that’s normal too for my cycle. I feel like the same ol’ me. It’s been really hot here as well which affects my mood.

Now I feel bad telling him I feel “normal” and I don’t think this month worked out. He’s not an emotional person and I’ve heard the word “sad” in his vocabulary once before and that was when a friend passed. I feel like he’s going to be much more disappointed than I am. Not that I don’t care or want children, I just know that doesn’t mean anything is wrong with him or I. I just don’t even know how to bring it up and talk about it...