"depressed adjacent"

I am not making light of depression or anything like that okay. I just don't feel anything. I feel like im almost depressed. but not enough to get medications or see a dr. its like im depressed adjacent if that makes any sense. its not like im suicidal or anything like that. i just dont have the will to live. i dont have the urge to kill myself bit if i just died today i would be totally okay with that. i would be contempt with it. i dont know what to do