Possible trigger Warning, but this is my SO appreciation post💖

I just want to take a minute to recognise my man.

I'm 31. I was diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, personality disorder, bipolar, and major depression when I was 20.

I had a really hard childhood, that's all I'll say.

Through the years I've had MANY ups and downs.

I have a terribly low self esteem despite being told I shouldn't, my self worth is almost non existent, and I'm very emotional.

Because of this, I've encountered multiple toxic relationships.

Both friend and romantic alike.

90% of the time, the romantic relationships went the same. Guy sees pretty girl. Guy wants girl. Girl is open with her problems. Guy treats her well for 2.5 months. Then guy starts playing on her insecurities and mental health before it becomes a mess and they break up.

Because of this, I hold no hope of a lasting relationship.

My man and I have been through a lot in our time together. I mean a LOT.

Things that would surely be damning to a typical relationship. But despite it all, we're still so happy and thankful when we see one another.

Unfortunately he works out of state. So he's gone a lot.

During one of his rotations, I hit a major low.

I lost all hope in myself. I have gone through so much in the last year and a half, and it all hit me at once one night. And I had no one to talk to.

So, through a sea of tears, anger, hurt, frustration, and the inability to get a hold of him, I wrote how I felt on our white board.

I wasn't proud of it. It was just what I felt.

When he came back from his rotation, he noticed it.

As soon as he saw it, he hugged the life out of me. He repeated how much he loves me and how none of it is true.

Afterwards he went over and tried to erase it.

It didn't work, so he wrote over it instead and then he said "and don't you ever forget it."

I'm sharing this because I've had so little hope of a positive relationship.

I've been used, abused, neglected, I've been told all those things I wrote, and I just never thought it was wrong.

But this guy came out of nowhere, he shows me every day how lucky he is to have me, he shows me how much he loves and cares about me, he knows I have my lows but he helps me through them.

If you are anything like me, or Even if you're worse and you haven't found your positive relationship, don't lose hope. It will happen.

In case anyone is wondering: yes, I am in therapy, I am medicated, and I am usually not like that. It was a rare night, super rare, and I didn't know how to handle it.

And no I wasn't suicidal.♡