Getting my tubes tied

I’m 32 weeks pregnant with baby number 3 and I’m struggling with the decision to have permanent sterilization or not.

My history is that I’ve had 3 very high risk pregnancy’s, my body just does not react well to pregnancy. My last delivery was at 32 weeks with a crash c section and the scariest day of our lives, both myself and my baby boy were minutes away from bleeding to death and we are greatful that the out come was so good. Now on pregnancy #3 and we had a scare yesterday and thought for sure that baby girl would be born all too soon. ( thank god im still pregnant and she is ok)

I left the hospital knowing I can’t do this again.

Scientifically and medically my body does not like being pregnant but emotionally, I don’t want to regret not being able to have more children. I keep telling myself maybe If there’s more time in between pregnancy’s I could be more successful, what if I want another baby in 2 years(not logical. I’m 30 and my fiancé is 44) my body doesn’t love birth control so it’s kinda this or nothing and then I get pregnant. How did you get over the emotional part of having your tubes tied? Instead of what if....what if.... what if....?