Pregnancy blues


This is me at 29 weeks pregnant and 251 lbs. I am 1 pound away from being the biggest I have ever been in my life and it is killing me. With my first son I gained 52 lbs during my pregnancy and the day I gave birth I weighed in at 252. After giving birth to him I swore I would never let myself get that big again and for a while I was consistently losing weight and even got down to the 190s but i had developed undiagnosed ppd and couldn’t leave my bed it was so bad. I struggled with it alone for over a year. I sat in my room day in and day out raising my son and avoiding everyone and everything. By the time I sought out help I found out I was pregnant with this baby and I weighed 220. I feel like I have failed myself, my body, and my baby. I feel so discouraged because I have currently have 8 weeks left and I know I’m gonna go over 252 and I feel so ashamed and self conscious. I feel like I can’t look at my body without feeling overwhelming disgust and hatred. I know I can always try to lose the weight again after I give birth but it was so hard the first time around and i kept getting discouraged. I’m so afraid I’ll just keep getting bigger and bigger and everyone around me will be disgusted by me.