This month has been a whirlwind.

After not coming to terms with my business partner I gave notice to leave a company I’ve build over the last 10 years.

Ring shopping and designing a home and clearing the property to build a home with my boyfriend smitten kitten to him suddenly and unexpectedly leaving and saying he had cold feet and can’t give me what I want and he hopes I can find it. 💔

Now my home is on the market- I thought I was moving in with my soon to be fiancé... now I’m looking for a new business and a new home.

My best friend had some relationship drama and I witnessed it- they reconciled and because I supported her leaving in the midst of it she told me after 14 years of friendship she can’t have me in her life- even though I made it clear I support her no matter what and in the heat I was standing for what she said she wanted.

I just feel so alone and lost. I am typically a positive person and I feel so down and depressed. My sister and my best friend and my ex were my greatest support systems. My sister is going through some hard times and is out hiking in the wilderness for the summer. This just feels like the season for tears. I wonder why are all these people leaving me?

I feel like a whiner and negative and I’m even beating myself up for that 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m a roller coaster between I got this and wtf it’s all burning down and I’m alone-

I am seeing a therapist and working out and taking care of myself. Emotionally I’m just confused. I know the why is an endless trail so I keep asking what is next what is next instead of why- I’m looking forward to whatever that is but I also am having a really hard time letting go.

I’ve been proposed to several times and it’s never felt right and that was the end of those relationships. For the first time I felt like this was right and I really saw my whole life with him. I feel like all this happening at once is a clearing for something greater. I’m just struggling letting go. I wanted that life. With my best friend and my man and now the sky is the limit. I don’t even have to stay in this state- the 3 things I had here are gone.

Any advice for finding a new support system? Anyone else feel so lonely and have anything that helps? I’ve been reaching out to all my friends a lot lately and making plans. I’ve noticed I’ve been so busy with work and my relationship that my friends are busy too. Most are married and when I have nothing to do and my house is clean and no one answers I just sit and cry.

Ive been meditating daily since the spilt. I cleaned out my house because of the sale and move and that felt good. I’ve been praying reading eating well working out walking the dog..

I’m lucky that I could afford a week off to see family so I did get out of town. I just feel love sick. Everything makes me miss him.