So my boyfriend and I are long distance and have been for over two years now (going on 3 years together though). I love him to pieces and he’s an amazing man. He doesn’t come from a stable or healthy home. His foster parents really did wonderful things for him, but he was 15 when he entered the system and I’ve always noticed little things he does that show he just wasn’t taught how to behave. Totally understandable. We learn from our parents and other adults around us. He spent most of his formative years with crappy examples. It’s truly incredible how much he’s overcome. He’s amazing.

But, we’ve been having issues with him sticking to plans. Basically every single time he’s ever come to visit me in the last 2 years he changes plans on when or even if he’s coming at least once. It’s always for a very good reason like work (we’re both university students- turning down money is a stupid high to do for us) or family (he’s still in contact with his siblings). It’s not like he’s just bailing on me. But, I’m seriously fed up. It’s every single time.

In the summers I have to switch on-call shifts and pick up others shifts to get time off for when he’s here. During the school year Ill pull multiple all nighters so I don’t have to study while he’s here (I’m in a professional program with an insane course load). So having plans changed on me isn’t a small thing. I also really hate change (I have OCD and order in my daily life is necessary to help me stay calm). Besides, is every single time. Like I get why and I’m not upset about WHY he’s changing plans, I’m upset that it’s constantly like this! Like for once I’d like to be the very good reason to skip out on someone else.

He does not understand why I’m so upset about this. It’s making me feel unimportant to him and like he doesn’t really care to come see me. Which isn’t true, I know that (he shows me in so many other ways that this isn’t the case at all). But, I grew up in a family where you always stick to your commitments. This kind of thing would be unacceptable in my family. And I’m feeling like he doesn’t care. But, he’s never really had a family or role models to show him how to care for the people you love. I’m wondering if this is why he just doesn’t get why I’m upset? Or maybe I’m being silly and too clingy or something? Is there a way to help him understand why I want him to stick to plans with me. Like once in a while, if he needed to change plans I’d understand. But, every single time is just too much!