I am posting this anonymously out of respect for my husband and the privacy he wants while we go through infertility. I am really hoping to get some good insight from people who have been through a similar situation and that other people who are struggling can get some support as well. Sometimes I know we just need to be heard, validated about our feelings, and know we aren’t the only ones going through this. 💗 Sorry in advance for the long post.

So we have been TTC for 15 months and it has been one of the most heart wrenching things to go through. It’s so hard each month seeing that negative on a pregnancy test or watching those around you get pregnant by just looking at their spouse and it’s just so easy for them. To want a baby so badly, but because of infertility it just isn’t happening and you keep wondering if it will ever happen. Dreading how expensive infertility treatment costs, but knowing you will do it all anyway. Infertility is hard. Mentally, physically, and emotionally hard.

We knew something wasn’t right and that it was most likely me because my cycles were ranging from 38-45 days apart. After trying for 10 months we went to the doctor and he tested my thyroid which came back normal and he put me on clomid and had me take it days 5-9. I have also been having progesterone tests done and those have all come back good. This last month the doctor decided to have me take the clomid days 3-7, which I have heard has better success. Overall though, I was a little bit disappointed with this appointment because I thought he was going to suggest we go to a specialist because my mom had a tipped uterus and endometriosis and I was worried I could too and maybe it was time to get my husband tested. He basically told me it was clear I had a problem and we needed to get my cycles figured out, since the clomid still wasn’t working, before we look into things further. So he changed the days I was taking clomid and also had me schedule an ultrasound to check my ovaries which I was happy about.

The whole doctors appointment put a bad taste in my mouth because I didn’t understand why we weren’t looking into multiple things at once and felt like we were wasting time so I decided to take matters into my own hands and schedule a consultation for a fertility specialist and semen analysis for my husband. Our consultation is next week, but we had the semen analysis done last week and had been waiting anxiously for the results. My husband really didn’t want to do it and was nervous about it (I think it’s common because of a male ego thing).

Well yesterday I had my ultrasound and after finding out I do in fact have a tipped uterus, like I suspected, and that I do have two eggs that will drop this month (which I was hopeful about because I was told that since I have two eggs dropping to have sex for the next 7 days and I was really motivated about it then). After the appointment we got my husbands results back. Everything looked good except for the sperm count which was at 7 million, which I guess is pretty low. I was in shock for a couple hours and was telling myself this is common, plenty of people get pregnant with low sperm count using different treatments, and it will all work out. I heard of men taking clomid or FertilAid helping with sperm count. So I was thinking those were possibilities before <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">iui</a> or <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">ivf</a>. Has anyone done either clomid or fertilaid and gotten pregnant after that without having to do <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">iui</a> or <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">ivf</a>?

But then I started spiraling down the dark web that is the internet and reading different things about how it is basically impossible to get pregnant naturally with that low of a count and seeing a ton of unsuccessful stories. So now I feel like it is pointless to even try anymore because it won’t happen for us without <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">iui</a> or <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">ivf</a>. I basically just cried myself to sleep last night.

At first my husband didn’t want to talk about it, but we ended up talking about it because I needed to and I was worried he wouldn’t want to do treatment, but he comforted me and told me he will do everything he can to have a baby. Which made me feel better because he previously had told me, after the first semen analysis, he would never do another one again because it was so weird (which it totally is weird) and wouldn’t do treatment if there was something that came back low. Which I think he was just hoping everything was okay and we wouldn’t even need to worry about it. I knew in the end he would do anything because I know he wants a baby just as much as me, but it is just a masculinity thing. It’s an emotional roller coaster for both of us and you never know what you are willing to do until you are actually put in that situation and now that he is in the situation he will do anything which comforts me. Anyway I feel really bad about my reaction because I was trying to be strong for my husband because I know it’s hard on him since it’s his body, but somehow he ended up being the one supporting me. I know I am having some issues too, but it was a lot easier of a pill to swallow thinking we only had one obstacle to fight, now we have two. I am just glad he is there to support me.

However, I feel like the odds are stacked against us since we are both dealing with infertility, in which my husband responded, “it will just make our miracle that much more special when it does happen ”. 💗 He is definitely having the more positive outlook on this and trying to stay optimistic which is good. I am so grateful that I have a husband who is supportive and we are on the same page with being willing to do anything to have a baby.

One positive for us though is that we have really good insurance because of the company he works for added it on and it pays for 70% of all infertility including <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">iui</a> and <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">ivf</a> and once we meet our out of pocket maximum of $5,000 we don’t have to pay anything else. So it is comforting that, for us we at most will spend $5,000 a year when <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">ivf</a> can cost $12,000+. Also when it open enrollment we can pick the high deductible option and out of pocket is only $3,000. Honestly, it is ridiculous how expensive infertility treatment is.

I guess I don’t really know what I am wanting from posting this besides getting my thoughts down in writing, some words of encouragement, maybe some advice, success stories, and to let others know they aren’t alone in this either. I know I need some hope in all this and I am sure I am not alone in that. Love and hugs to all those struggling with infertility, you are not alone. 💗