Can you outgrow someone you love..? (Edit)

Is it possible to love someone.. a significant other.. but feel like you have outgrown them? Like there is no future even though you love them still? Or is this feeling something I need to wait out?

Long story as short as I can get it from the top... I worked with (now SO) R. When R and I were getting to be best friends was also around the time my relationship with my (now ex) girlfriend was ended. After a few months he let me know he liked me as more, so we give dating a go. A month into dating I had something bad happen to me. Even though he had every reason to leave me those three months following, he didn’t. He stayed by my severely depressed self. Once I got my head out of my ass and picked myself back up is when we started having problems.

I’m organized, keep a clean house, like being outdoors, got into lifting, don’t watch tv, would rather read a book or be on a trail. I was working a full time job and a part time one (some days 17hrs total).

While R was great at being by my side while I was depressed he didn’t do anything else productively. He’s lazy, complained about me going to the gym, was unemployed 3 times during the year we dated and I took care of him while he wasn’t in a hurry looking for another job; I would be working, R wld not clean and play video games.

After awhile we broke up at the holidays. After 3-4 months we got back together because I missed my best friend and he swore he had made some changes. Started going to the gym, paid less attention to his phone, got a job & kept it.. those things. Plus my two kids adore R because he is also a giant child.

I’m still working two jobs, him one. I’m setting goals for lifting & competing. He gave up on taking care of his health (but at least doesn’t complain about me being at the gym). He got back to being lazy and paying more attention to his phone over the kids and I. Says he doesn’t have money for certain things and will come over and eat up my food but will then go spend a lot of money on video games for my boy and go to weekend long airsoft games with friends.

A few weeks ago he brought up going in the military as a way to have a good job and for us to get married. I immediately said “who you are right now is someone I would never marry” ever since then it’s been eating at me. But it’s true. I don’t care to live with him again much less marry him. I don’t care to have sex with him, yes he can please me physically but mentally no. ...

anywho.. his solution to me not wanting to marry him because I do worse off and struggle when he lives with me than I do alone. His answer to us never having to struggle financially and be poor is to go in the military. It’s not to get a better job, or get two.. just the military.

He’s my best friend, my kids love him. I feel like I owe him since he stuck by me through my horrible depression. But.. I can’t live with him ladies. What do I do? Is it worth dragging on? Is it worth giving him another chance to change and keep it this time? Also he’s gona be 33 and has never lived on his own...

I’m going to be 27 and have lived on my own for 8 years.

Also part of me misses the freedom of being single. I went hiking and exploring all the time. I miss being out in nature so much 😞

Edit: just to add in.. do you have to choose between having a best friend and having an equal provider? Is it possible to get both or choose one and hope the other trait comes later?

Cuz he does love me, he loves my kids. I know that.