On August 8th, 2018, I gave birth to my baby girl. Not how I expected it would go!

I was 40 weeks, 2 days and I just had an appointment at my doctor’s office. I had lost my mucus plug 4 days ago and was super tight all the time but only had contractions twice in the last week that died off eventually.

My doctor checked my cervix and told me I was 3cm and 80% effaced. I asked her if she would do a membrane sweep while she was in there to see if we could get her coming sometime soon. I was miserable and so ready to be done.

I left my appointment and went back to work. When I got there I was feeling period-like cramps. To be expected after a membrane sweep. Before I knew it I could tell them apart and started to time them. I was having contractions every 3 minutes for around 45 seconds to a minute long. Each time I felt one coming, I had to close my eyes, lean over something and get on my tip toes, butt out. My boss asked if I needed to go to the hospital. Me, fearing they would send me home (a 45 minute drive versus a 5 minute drive from work), told my boss I needed to time them for an hour first. At about a half hour later, I told him I would go to the hospital. He gave me a ride, and I called my husband to come into town.

I checked in at triage at 2:15 (after laboring at work for a half hour). I was at 3 1/2 cm. She told me either I could go home and wait it out and see how I progress or they could admit me if I wanted and if my contractions died down they could give me some meds to keep them coming. I had this gut feeling that I needed to stay, as now they were getting painful to the point that I was starting to get vocal about it. I told her to admit me. The contractions were so close together now that I could only take a couple steps before I had to stop and hold on for dear life. A nurse tried to get me a wheelchair, but I refused. I didn’t want to sit, or lay down or have anyone touch my back or butt. I walked into the room and immediately they asked if I wanted to labor in the tub. I told them that I wanted an epidural now. I had this feeling if I didn’t get it soon it would be too late. They told me that my doctor and the anesthesiologist were both in a c-section right now so I couldn’t have an epidural. They offered me other pain meds via IV. I told them to do it. Each contraction I got now I had to get up on my toes and stand over the edge of the bed and each time I got louder and louder. Starting with moaning and then it turning into saying, “oh shit... !” And etc. The 2 nurses in the room with me could not get an IV in. They tried and tried each hand, followed by arms, and nothing. At this point I was begging them for something, anything! My husband showed up and told me I was hyperventilating and needed to breathe. I had one nurse in front of me holding my hands and trying to get me to do breathing exercises. My husband also in front of me holding me and another nurse trying to get an IV in.

Suddenly, I had this ultimate panic hit me. “Oh no!!!!” As another contraction came on and I felt extreme pressure in my butt. I knew she was right there and I needed to push. I didn’t dare tell them because I wanted an epidural! Two contractions later, my body started pushing itself! It was an intense and powerful push. “OH NO OH NO OH NOOO!” Only I knew what was happening! My husband in front of me and the other nurse went behind me to check me. Both nurses were behind me now and tried to check me. I told them I was leaking down my leg then as another contraction came on, a loud “POP” that sounded like a firework happened and I broke my water all over the floor and the nurse. Then I really panicked, realizing I had to tell them. I knew I wasn’t getting my epidural and all my fears had been confirmed. She was coming, NOW! The nurse started lowering the bed and telling me to get on the bed right now! I didn’t want to lay down. I climbed on the bed on all fours and ripped my gown off. As soon as I did, another contraction is about to start and I hear my doctor run in the room and says, “I’m here! Bare down!!” I scream and push. My daughter’s head comes out, another push and I started rocking back on forth on this push, the rest of her body is out. I look down as my doctor hands her to me between my legs. I flip over and put her on my chest.

At this point, I feel like I just want to cry. What just happened? The time was 3:32. I had a natural birth and labored for 2 hours is all. I am still in shock. That felt like the most primal birth and I still don’t understand how it happened?

Taelyn Jordan Shafer came into this world fast and furious at 7 pounds, 15 ounces and measuring 21 inches long.

Happy birthday baby girl.

UPDATE 8/13/18:

All of you are so amazing! Thank you for all of your positive feedback and stories of your own. You all have helped me, (mentally, maybe?) It’s hard to describe my feelings immediately afterwards. You have been my therapy, my support group. Now, I wonder why I felt like I needed it in the first place!

Initially, after the birth I was just shook, trying to process what happened. Don’t get me wrong, I was extremely proud of myself for being able to do what I did but I felt like I cheated because I wanted an epidural. If I would have known how capable my body was and believed in myself more, I would’ve handled the labor differently. I would have told the nurses the minute I felt the pressure and needed to push. I would have got into position (yes, still on all 4s!) myself and pushed with my body instead of trying to stop it because of fear of the unknown. The contractions were painful but once I was in transition and my body started pushing on it’s own, the level of pain dropped for me and I believe that pure adrenaline took over. I did not experience the “ring of fire”... maybe because of the position I was in? And there was NO WAY I was going to get on my back. It did NOT feel right or natural to me whatsoever. A couple of you asked if I would have known what I do know, would I have still wanted or asked for an epidural if I knew I had enough time to get it? My answer is NO. It’s incredibly empowering and not necessary to have it (at least to me). I believe the reason I was so panicked about it was because of my first birth.

My first birth experience, I was having contractions for 4-5 hours and I was stuck at 1cm dilated. The hospital wanted to send me home after I walked the hall for an hour because I wasn’t progressing. They called my doctor and she told them if I wanted an epidural, to admit me and give it to me because once I relaxed, my body would dilate. So, I did just that and sure enough, I dilated and everything was fine. She did break my water though and I delivered on my back, as instructed.

Thinking back on it now, I believe that labor would have progressed as it should, it was just going to be a longer labor. I know what kind of contractions I was having then and at what stage I was at and I wasn’t at the stage where my body would take over yet. I also think that because my body wasn’t able to do what it needed to do naturally (because of the epidural and being motionless on my back), that the process took longer and I had to push “manually” (meaning myself only without the help of my body naturally) which took longer and wore me out faster.

I’m also wondering about my babies and some of their differences at birth. My (now 5 day old) baby girl had no issues whatsoever. Levi, my firstborn, has fluid in his lungs they had to suction out, a slight heart murmur, low blood sugar, borderline jaundice, and it seemed like I wasn’t producing hardly anything for him to eat. Difference in babies, coincidence, or maybe something to it? I will never know but will always wonder...

I hope my experiences and stories helped some of you answer questions, make decisions for yourselves, but mostly empower you to know that however you decide to go about your birth, you CAN DO IT!

Thank you for your support! Once again, you are all amazing! Xoxo