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Seeking therapy after my obsession (updated)

UPDATE: I talked to my bf this morning and confessed how I’ve been feeling and he admitted that yes, he can’t deny she is a knock-out and gorgeous, I am also very beautiful and he’s so much more attracted to me and this is why: I make him laugh in a way she never has been able to. Apparently they have wildly different senses of humor and it’s always bothered him he can’t be himself with her. He says even though we’ve only been together for 2 years and they 16, he feels that I know him and understand him better. He says our sexual chemistry is stronger than theirs ever was and that he always has fun with me which wasn’t always the case with her. I wish I had asked him sooner because you guys are right- she was killing the game on the outside but didn’t have much else to bring to the table. I’m still thinking I should see someone though because it’s not like this will just completely go away.. still feel kind of obsessive about feeling less than her.

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I am fully aware I need to start seeking therapy. My boyfriend of two years has an ex-girlfriend and a child with her. They were together for 16 years but never married. She has been modeling since she graduated high school and is so so so beautiful. I am so insecure about her.

I’ve seen a few posts recently about the same topic and it kinda makes me feel better I’m not the only one who is insecure about an ex. It makes me feel less crazy.

The past few weeks I have made it a point to get on a modeling website where she has an account called Model Mayhem. (Without telling you who she is but giving you an idea of the hotness scale she’s on, she’s one of the top 200 models on the entire site... ENTIRE SITE. It’s a world wide modeling connection site with thousands of accounts) She’s very successful on there. Job offers constantly from all over. Every night and sometimes during the day, I get on and I look at her photos and compare myself. I read comments people have posted on her photos, “you’re so beautiful” “I would kill to have you as my gf” “your eyes and lips would make any man melt” “your boyfriend (well back then) is ONE LUCKY MAN” “your body is perfect.. those legs” ok ok I could go on. I read comments she leaves, “my boyfriend is in love with this one!!” (Again, she said this when they were together..one from years ago) but then I stare at these pictures of her and I wonder what about her body he was so in love with. I pick apart every beautiful part of her and slam myself.

I actually used to be confident. I get told all the time I’m pretty, beautiful, sexy. My bf says it! But I just don’t feel it anymore. He has this beautiful goddess in his past and downgraded I feel like.

He goes from this...