When I was 23 weeks I had bad cramps in my stomach and back pain the whole day I thought it was just Braxton Hicks so I blew it off. Until that night it got worse and I had to go to the hospital because of how much pain I was feeling then soon after the doctor checked me, my water broke right on the table with a bunch of nurses and doctors there ready to go! Then my precious little girl came out and I was shocked and happy. The doctors and nurses told me with her being premature that they usually don’t survive. I felt rushed and pressured into taking her off of the breathing machine but I wasn’t thinking straight as well I just kept thinking about what all of them were saying basically she wouldn’t survive. I regret not fighting harder for her and trying, I’m in so much pain after holding her for 12 hours then she finally passed. The whole time I was in shock about everything happening so fast! I wish I can go back in time and fought for her, instead of making the dumbest decision in my life of not keeping her. I just want to kill myself after what I did, I don’t deserve to live. I miss her so much, her tiny face and her gorgeous smile. I blame myself everyday and I don’t know how to handle it because it is all my fault.