20 weeks pregnant and depression

Hi ladies, I was wondering what some of you have done for your depression during pregnancy.

At about 13 weeks my doctor prescribed me Lexapro and discussed that there’s a chance baby would have struggles in gaining weight after birth if I take this. She stated that this was the only issue that she has ever had with mothers and babies that she has worked with that have taken it. I talked with my parents about taking this and they urged me to stop after a week. At my 18 week appt my doctor was pretty upset about this saying that my stress levels and cortisol could all cause just as much damage to baby, if not more.

After the last few weeks my anxiety and depression have been consistently growing and I’m always overwhelmed. I’ve been trying walks, reaching out to others, and lessening my workload, but nothing is helping. I’m not enjoying these little moments, not happy, and feel like everything is a timeline or task that I need to get through before I can sleep or escape with tv.

Last night I went to a bachelorette party for a wedding that I’m a part of and was the DD for a bunch of girls, and did some bar hopping etc. I probably seemed like the grouch of the group because it felt like a 21st birthday. There was petty drama, tons of screaming, and drinking in the car I was driving. I had to remove myself a few times because the yelling got to my headache and the girls were being so inappropriate and causing a lot of commotion in most of the places we went to.

I think the depression since waking up from that late night has sky rocketed. I’m now worrying about what the others thought of me, and being so overwhelmed has hit me. I’ve had so many breakdowns in which I don’t know why I’m crying, I’m just not happy. My husband wants me to start taking the medication otherwise he just listens but doesn’t contribute when I talk to him, like he’s just there to be there. He said I haven’t been the same person for a long time and it just doesn’t seem like I’m in my body. I don’t have friends or family where I live because I moved away from them to be with my husband since he can’t just pick up his job and move. I have two friends, but not to where I feel comfortable sharing this.

I’m just looking for any advice. I’m nervous for my mental health.. and ironically I work with children that have mental health and behavioral issues. With my job being what it is and that I’m in a small town, seeing a therapist within an hour is out of the question because I know them all and it’s a conflict of interest with my job, and even so, my insurance doesn’t cover it. If anything, this was good to just vent it out.