I think i have depression? Help. ( Long Story )

My parents are divorced and i spend four days a fortnight with my dad and eleven days with my mum. My mum mentally abuses me so things like her saying; ‘You are ugly’ or ‘I do not love you’ and calling me her ‘least favourite child,’ etc. She used to physically abuse me and my sister ( mainly my older sister who has recently moved out.) My dad has been supportive through the whole situation so he has now got himself a girlfriend who i like a lot more than my own mother tbh, but i would never tell that to my mum because, well, she IS still my mother.

My mum became jealous of my dad having a girlfriend because we were spending time with her so my mum decided to move away from our home. We ended up having no choice and moving an hour away from home. I was unhappy about leaving my dad and my friends from school behind. My mum tried to be kind about it and said ‘you have a choice stay here or come live with me because im nice and i will give you a choice.’ So i chose to stay home but she still refused to let me.

So we ended up moving and she said stuff like ‘I moved to benefit you, NOT ME!’ Even though now we live closer to her best friends and she does not have to wake up early for work anymore.

Deep down i know my mum was selfish and moved for herself.

So of course i transferred schools,

I used to have many friends, but now i am in a small group of people who have completely different interests and are not my type of people to hang around, i feel alone, and i miss my old friends so much.

I now only get to see my dad for two days every fortnight.

I get to my dads house crying and upset because my mum finds a way to hurt my feelings almost every day. I am not happy about living with my mum, or the school i go to. It is no where near as academically good as my previous school! She makes it very hard for me, sometimes i end up cleaning majority of the apartment, cook dinner, and make lunchboxes etc. whilst my little sister and my mum do nothing. My mum has never really done anything negative to my little sister as she is only nine. All she has really done is mentally hurt her, by calling her fat because she is a picky eater.

I have had suicidal thoughts a few times,

But i always find a way to tell myself it is not worth it.

I have cut my wrist twice, but only when I’m super frustrated or upset. ( They were not too serious, but enough to leave slightly faded scars in about 7 months. )

My dad had an argument with my mum and he told her we were unhappy and she ignored my dad because she did not give a shit. I think she is trying to keep us from seeing him but at the same time she tries to make herself look like the good person.

Can anyone give me advice on what i can do to make myself happier?