Torn..

I’m hurting. I found out my boyfriend (who is my first love and first everything) of almost a year has cheated on me for the third time as far as i know. When we first got together he physically cheated on me. Idk why but it only hurt a little. He goes away to the neighboring state for work. About month ago he emotionally cheated on me when he went to work with a girl that lives over there. Those times hurt only a little and i have no clue why. I just found out today that he’s been emotionally cheating on me with a different girl over there again. This time hurts a lot. I love him to death and i do almost everything for him, treat him so well, and give him whatever he wants. I don’t understand why he is hurting me. I don’t understand why something just can’t be good for me and not hurt me. I don’t want to leave him. That’ll hurt way more than anything ever. I’m lost. I just want to give up on life and lay in the dark alone forever.