My son is 4 weeks old today and he’s only been home for 3 days. He was transferred to the NICU the night he was born and was discharged on oxygen Wednesday. There is absolutely no diagnosis on why he needs oxygen, he’s at the absolute lowest you can be on, which is almost room air. We have to carry around oxygen tanks and monitors everywhere we go. He’s always got his nasal cannula and leads attached to him and it breaks my heart.

Ever since he got home we’ve had to give him Similac Advance because I’m not producing enough milk and I don’t have time to pump. He has been so fussy ever since. We tried to tell the NICU doctors he had acid reflux but they never listened. Now he gags on stomach acid after every meal and screams from a tummy ache. We started giving him gripe water and switched his formula to sensitive and its helped a tad.

I just get so overwhelmed and cry every time he cries because I do everything I can and he still just screams. I feel like I’ve got some postpartum issues that are finally coming to a head. When he was in the NICU I cried and had meltdowns constantly but I figured they’d go away after he got home but they haven’t. I feel like its my job to fix everything and I feel like a failure when I can’t. I’m constantly staring at his monitors praying he doesn’t desat and that he continues to get better. I barley get any sleep because I’m constantly watching him. I feel like I’m not handling being a mommy the way I should be. I just want my son to get better 😔